Every Party Needs a Pooper…

And that’s why we invited YOU!

Yeah, that “YOU!” is totally me… 

Today was my company holiday luncheon. 

I could not. 

For the life of me. 




I work with a great group of people and my old boss looked sincerely sad when I told him I wouldn’t be attending.  However, in my head this is what kept playing over and over and over:

Bitter & Disenfranchised Employee + Alcohol = Termination (aka No More Paycheck)

I figured it would be a better use of my time to work at getting fired by blogging on the clock.

So, here I sit in blessed silence, avoiding phonecalls and trying to catch up on my dearth of paperwork by sorting throught the ever increasing pile to get the one piece I need, processing said piece, and then repeating the process over and over again.  I usually leave the office feeling like all I did was move the paper around my desk without actually *doing* anything.  At least today I get to do it witout the multiple interruptions!  (Where is X file?  How do you make the wide format plotter email me scans?  How to you add toner to the copier?  How much of my budget do I have left for copies on X project? etc., etc.)

The way my current employer does the holiday luncheon is different from all other parties I’ve attended in the past.  Notice my choice of words: Luncehon vs Party.  We definitely have a luncheon – with booze – but overall still a civilized, employees-only event at a tasteful restaurant in the middle of the working day.  As the Great Recession has progressed my small department became even smaller.  Therefore, the luncheon that used to be filled with those I work with every day became merged with the largest of all departments in my company.  Now it’s a meal attended by very nice people whom I don’t know all that well.  I don’t do small talk all that well and really, really, really don’t want to end up at a table of people whom I only know from seeing their name cc’d on an email.  (I’ve been there before – and was seriously the longest 2.5 hours EVER!)

Now, I’ve worked other places.  There was the bank where I worked on telephone customer service were we also had a “luncheon” idea – even though mine was at night since I worked the swing shift.  That was a nice gathering of 6 people in varying places in their life.  (One employee even younger than me at the time asked the older gay gentleman how he was REALLY sure he was gay.  GREAT workplace dinner conversation!  lol) 

I also worked for another company that had some serious issues overall, but knew how to get down and have a great time.  The last shin dig I attended with that group was at a small local restaurant.  Our company rented out the whole place.  There was an open bar and a fabulous menu.  There was mingling and the meeting/reintroduction of coworkers’ spouse/significant others.  I always loved these engagements because you could really let your hair down and see what the people you worked with were like in “real life”.  (Sometimes this was good – other times not-so-much.)  Plus, as I worked here at a time in my life where money was tight – I felt like I got to “live like the other side” one night a year without worrying I was busting my budget.  Also, as this was always a weekend evening event, I didn’t have to worry about going BACK to work to finish a contract after downing two martinis.

So, as I watched people file past me on their way out the door this afternoon I’ve had “every party needs a pooper” on repeat in my head.  But – one coworker was kind enough to mention that since I won’t be attending this rodeo, another Pooper must be found.


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