There once was a time when the day I was born seemed like the MOST important day of the year. I have many fond memories of anticipation, gifts received, parties shared with friends and family and lots and lots of cake.
However, as the years have ticked by I’ve found that the anticipation I once felt for a day ALL about me has faded to something closer to dread.
Instead of the excitement I felt about being the center of attention I now spend more time deflecting questions about when the ACTUAL day of celebration falls. (Lucky for me I was born on a holiday weekend – so I can give a “near X day” answer and people buy it without further question!)
Instead of the dreaming about where my life is going I have to fight the urge to not belittle the life I have created.
It seems that somewhere after 30 the tipping point between excitement of a “new year ahead” and the sadness of “another year gone” was reached.
My 30th birthday was one of my favorites. It was spent with close friends watching silly videos on You Tube, drinking home brew and eating copious amounts of snacks from the farmers market (mmm… cherries!). It was a long weekend – so we spent a lot of time hanging out in our comfy pants while talking and laughing until we couldn’t breathe.
But, only a few (?) years later I spent the day in my cubicle at work shuffling paper – only to complete errands and chores after I left the office. I fell into bed at 10pm – realizing that I didn’t take the time for dinner – or the all-important chocolate cake. I think the kicker to me is that I couldn’t even rustle up a decent mood. Sour puss all day.
Boo for me and my bad attitude!
So, as I start my first day of my new year I’m struggling to find my happy place. (Thank you Mr. Ze Frank. I WILL type like a crazy secretary today – and many days to come!)
It will take some soul searching, but I will make this year a good one. Perhaps the next time my day comes around I will have tipped back to a place of excitement and hope for the year to come.
In the meantime – I need to find myself some chocolate cake.