A Tipping Point

There once was a time when the day I was born seemed like the MOST important day of the year.  I have many fond memories of anticipation, gifts received, parties shared with friends and family and lots and lots of cake.

However, as the years have ticked by I’ve found that the anticipation I once felt for a day ALL about me has faded to something closer to dread.

Instead of the excitement I felt about being the center of attention I now spend more time deflecting questions about when the ACTUAL day of celebration falls.  (Lucky for me I was born on a holiday weekend – so I can give a “near X day” answer and people buy it without further question!)

Instead of the dreaming about where my life is going I have to fight the urge to not belittle the life I have created.

It seems that somewhere after 30 the tipping point between excitement of a “new year ahead” and the sadness of “another year gone” was reached.

My 30th birthday was one of my favorites.  It was spent with close friends watching silly videos on You Tube, drinking home brew and eating copious amounts of snacks from the farmers market (mmm…  cherries!).  It was a long weekend – so we spent a lot of time hanging out in our comfy pants while talking and laughing until we couldn’t breathe.

But, only a few (?) years later I spent the day in my cubicle at work shuffling paper – only to complete errands and chores after I left the office.  I fell into bed at 10pm – realizing that I didn’t take the time for dinner – or the all-important chocolate cake.  I think the kicker to me is that I couldn’t even rustle up a decent mood.  Sour puss all day.

Boo for me and my bad attitude!

So, as I start my first day of my new year I’m struggling to find my happy place(Thank you Mr. Ze Frank.  I WILL type like a crazy secretary today – and many days to come!)

It will take some soul searching, but I will make this year a good one.  Perhaps the next time my day comes around I will have tipped back to a place of excitement and hope for the year to come.

In the meantime – I need to find myself some chocolate cake.

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Reality Checks

Due to the messed up arm I earned while roller skating with my family I’ve been out of the picture for several weeks.  Nothing puts a halt on fun things like blogging than having an arm that is immobilized from the thumb to the armpit in a stylish purple cast.  Suddenly little things like getting shampoo out of the bottle and putting one’s hair in a ponytail become far more cumbersome/impossible/annoying.  Typing – it was totally out of the question.

But, I’m back to reality after the docs confirmed that the scafoid bone in my hand/wrist was not broken and I’ve just got a bad sprain.  Yippee!  I’ve been downgraded to a brace that I can take off to do things like type, work, shower.  Ah, the indulgences!

However, may I just say that I didn’t miss a lot of “reality” all that much?  My bank account was larger than expected, since I wasn’t feeding my trusty little car the $4.50/gal gas several times a week.  I felt like I had a ton of time since I wasn’t sitting in traffic for 4+ hours going to and from work each day.  My skin cleared up (unsure if that was due to reduced work stress or because my cast wouldn’t allow me to touch my face).  I started sleeping through the night without having those wonderful dreams about work that usually focus on forgotten deadlines and missing paperwork.  The list of bonuses to having an unusable appendage were really starting to add up.

But, all that is over now.  The commute – it’s back.  The work?  Oh, that is back too, with even longer days over the past weeks in the effort to catch up on all the little things my coworkers weren’t able to handle in my unexpected absence.  Exhaustion is back.  Blemished skin is back.  I even had my first in-tears-freak-out in a co-worker’s cube.  It only took me 7 work days to get there.

Reality has even gotten to the point where I think I *just* did something (like write the begining of this post) only to realize it’s been four MORE weeks of not blogging!  Where does the time escape to?

My time “away” (from blogging and my day job – I didn’t go “away” to an insane asylum or prison) allowed me to realize how much I enjoy so much of my life.  I love my friends, family and home.  I love the town I live in.  (I also learned I don’t really love the town I work in  – or the towns I drive through to get there.)  I really enjoy having time to spend with the people I love – even if “spending time” only means sitting in front of the television watching My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding and eating animal crackers directly out of the Costco-sized barrel while the younger generation plays fights in the next room.

What a nice surprise that the expected Reality Check of no time, frustration and anger didn’t totally materialize – but a greater appreciation of my current reality emerged.  Who knew that a giant purple cast could do that?

I certainly didn’t.