I Should Be Embarrassed – But I’m Not

In the not-so-recent past I had a day out on the town with my loving sister, E.  The plan was to go shopping at consignment stores in the nearby ritzy suburban oasis with a large outdoor shopping district.

We started the day by following this plan – but things quickly came off the rails.

We DID visit the consigment stores – and some others – and immediately collected armloads of loot to try on in the dressing rooms.

Hilarity ensued.  Things we learned:

1 – NEITHER of us are a Size 0.

(The dress *looked* like it would fit E – who weighs about 15 pounds due to her cardio “addiction”.  Granted, she looked like some sort of cheerleader porn princess in it – and it took us both a lot of work to get it off of her.  We were really lucky we didn’t have to cut the thing off  – considering it was $80.  While pictures were attempted they really weren’t appropriate for public viewing – by anyone – and I was laughing too hard to hold the camara steady.)

2 – Any dress that is both shiny and gold is fun to try on.  Bonus points if it’s made from spandex.

(When the “outfit” is so bad it makes you laugh so hard you nearly lose control of your bladder AND cry and the same time it was most certainly worth the time it took to wiggle into it.)

3 – Small dressing rooms are more fun.

Trying on crazy clothes is just better when two people are crammed into the same tiny, curtained dressing room.  (Yes, curtained AND small.  I’m confident my granny-pantied booty was sticking out for the world to see at one point.  I felt a breeze.)  The added bonus is that you don’t have to open a door for OTHER people to see your shame when the dress that on the hanger looks like something a society lady would wear to a luncheon makes you look like a sausage/ street walker/ tranny.

4 – Neiman Marcus was not made for the likes of The Crazy Suburbanite.

(Prolific profanity was used.  We got the stink eye from more than one sales clerk – either from excessivly fondling the clothes or perhaps from the potty mouths.  I saw an Alexander McQueen clutch that included the likes of a pimp ring as the handle.  I even loudly blurted out “Oh. My. God.  That purse has a PIMP RING AS A HANDLE!!!” right before a girl dressed in an outfit that cost far more than it was worth than a monthly mortgage payment walked by.  I mentioned that she was trying too hard a little loud – since originally I though I had only said that IN MY HEAD – and E thought I said something about her having a pimp…  We also tried on all the shoes in the “discount” sale section acting all the while like we would consider paying $700+ for pair of shoes.  There was much giggling and commenting on how tall we were in said shoes.  Look at me!  I’m so tall!)

5 – The architect and interior designer for Neiman Marcus are crazy awesome.

Who knew that 70’s syle art glass would be back in vogue and ready to rock the entire facade of a building?  Oh, that would be these awesome people.  Sharp angles, bright white, contrasting yellow: Oh. My.

6 – When the kid taking your coffee order gives you a blank stare that does NOT mean he wants to hear about your day.

(Yes, this was us. Apparently we’re old and need hot, delicious coffee at 5pm on an afternoon of “shopping” in 80+ degree heat.  We thought we were being splendidly witty in our banter with the barrista.  Seems that was only in our heads.  The blank stare was because he didn’t care.  NOTED.)

6.  E can justify me buying anything.

Case in point:  The $175 shoes, clearly used and from a consignment store. I’m only trying them on because, “Um, they’re MANOLO’S AND purple AND they feel like butter.”  I’m only trying them on so I can say I have.  This is our conversation:

CS: Wow. These are high.  Cute – and MANOLO’S – but I don’t think I can walk in them.

E:  Sure you can – and they’re ONLY $175.  You should totally buy them.

CS:  The dress I need shoes for only cost $30.

E:  You’re saving SO MUCH MONEY!  How much do new ones cost?

CS:  Nope.  Too high.  And, I’d like to EAT on my vacation.

E:  They’re PURPLE!!!!!!

(I did not buy the shoes.)

7 – Bundt cake is delicious – especially if it’s free because they cut the samples in giant pieces.

(We checked for a shift change to get more – because we have SOME shame – but were thwarted.)

Overall, a fun day with minimal damage to the pocketbook.  I ended up with no clothes from the consigment stores – because apparently I enjoy trying on party dresses – and I have no use in real life for this type of clothing. But, I did buy some shirts and a purse at Ross.  E had a similar type of haul.  Win for us!

Sister time is the best.


Oops. That was my Bad Attitude talking.

I’ve been in a bit of a funk.

Because of this the majority of my past posts have been heavy on the “woe is me” and “whine/bitch/whine” themes.  Sorry about that.

I’m not sure if this is because I’ve over committed my life and I feel poorly over my lack of success at completing everything on my plate or if I’m just in a low spot.  (Or perhaps it’s hormonal – that’s always an option.)

Anyway – I’m sorry.  That’s all.

I’d like to re-turn over the leaf I flipped back in February 2011.  (Does that sentence even make sense?)

I want to go back to the excited, positive-thinking, “Just Say NO to Negativity!” lady I was then.

I apparently need to “effort” that.

Summer days are here – and they are fleeting.  I’m not going to spend a glorious summer with a dark-as-night mood.  Summers are for fun!  Summers are for relaxation!  Summers are for trying something new and re-inventing yourself!

(Can you tell what I did each and every summer from kindergarden up until I was tossed out of college for being crazy?)

So – starting RIGHT NOW I’m going to start looking for joy in my surroundings.

I need a pretty/inspiring/motivating picture-ish item for my desk.  I need to take a walk in the sunshine.  I need to actually TAKE the breaks I’m provided by our government when at work, and use that time to appreciate the beauty and humor around me.

I need to bring my phone/camara with me to record items RIGHT THEN so I don’t get sucked back into the negative vortex of procrastination.  (Example: I need to take another walk and get a pic of that random-ness later so I can blog/chat about it – which then doesn’t happen.  And, the spiral begins anew.)

I’ve said it before – and I’m sure I’ll say it again – but I have to start (insert title/name of newest grand scheme here), and it may as well be now.

Today the Grand Scheme is Be Positive.

Let’s go.  🙂

Killing Me Slowly

My hands have been KILLING ME. Painful – hot – swollen. NASTY.

Pain makes me cranky. Crankier than normal.

(Let me insert an apology here to everyone I’ve come in contact with in the past, oh, I don’t know, 6 months… Sorry for losing my temper and being generally bitchy/cranky/overly-sensitive/etc.)

The good news is that the pain and associated symptoms are not rheumatoid arthritis. Yay for not having an autoimmune disorder!

Bad news: I have some random form of tendonitis and osteo-arthritis in my hands. What does this mean? It means that my pain is caused by my incessant typing. This stupidity (as well as lot of OTHER stupidity) is caused by my job.


I’ve been typing since I was about 8 years old. I was that strange kid who asked their parents to buy a computer program to teach me to type. I figured this would be both useful for my future in an increasingly computer-dominated world and thought it would be fun. My new activity would be a two-fer. Woot!

(And yes, this really was my thought as an 8 year old kid. I was strange that way.)

My Dad purchased Mavis Beacon Teaches Typing. (There was no 2.0 or 15 after it – since this was the FIRST incarnation and was largely DOS based. No fancy graphics here!) I then continued to spend many hours each day after school for the next several years tippity-tapping the keyboard while I honed my typing skills.

(I was typing at about 40 wpm by the time I was 11. If I’m on a roll now I can motor through at about 75. The bonus is that I think it’s FUN. Whoo hoo for enjoying your job!)

I’m quite sad that typing is now causing me such physical pain. I sit in front of a keyboard between 8 to 12 hours each day, and was sincerely hoping for more between increased blogging and some possible transcription gigs.

Here’s to hoping the prescribed physical therapy teaches me something and the pain level decreases.

The Unexpected

Today I visited my general practitioner regarding some (slightly scary) hand pain.  However, what got me wasn’t so much her reaction to my swollen and hot mid-30’s hands – but her instant reaction to the scratch on my inner wrist.

This scratch was given to me by my loveable – but completely ornery – cat.  (He was having a bad day and I got in his way.)  Now, this is a good scratch – it bled, scabbed over, and is now forming a pretty angry looking red scar.  I have accepted it and really don’t think much of it since it doesn’t hurt – and my hands do.

However, it appears that my “colorful” mental health history had put my poor doc on high alert at the sight of a scratch on my inner wrist.  Instant response?  “Oh, What do we have here?!  How did this happen?”

I almost wanted to laugh – what DOES my medical chart look like?  Each time I call my HMO do warning bells go off?

Alert!  Alert!  Highly unstable mentally ill patient calling!  Listen for signs of increased aggitation and instability!

Does “CRAZY LADY!” come up on a scrolling ribbon at the top of the screen every time my name shows up?

I guess this can be a good thing in times of crisis.  However, today I found it quite entertaining.

As far as my painful, swollen hands are concerned – the jury is still out.  It’s either “occupational” due to my heavy keyboard duties or something else entirely.  They took blood and scheduled some consults.  Good times.

30 Day Challenge!

Okay – GO!

In an effort to get off my sorry, procrastinating butt I’m starting a 30 Day Challenge TODAY!

This challenge will consist of the following:

*  1 post each day for 30 days.

*  1 post each week will involve a picture.  (That’s right folks – COLOR is coming to crazysuburbanite!)

*  Posts will be wrtten in under 30 minutes.

This challenge is an effort to actually start posting more.  I’ve realized I often feel like I don’t have time to post, so I do nothing.  The upcoming posts will be short and sweet (and will likely also be snarky).  Don’t expect greatness here.  I’m striving for consistancy!

And, in the words of the fantastic Peter Pan, “Here we goooooo!!!!!!”

A Tipping Point

There once was a time when the day I was born seemed like the MOST important day of the year.  I have many fond memories of anticipation, gifts received, parties shared with friends and family and lots and lots of cake.

However, as the years have ticked by I’ve found that the anticipation I once felt for a day ALL about me has faded to something closer to dread.

Instead of the excitement I felt about being the center of attention I now spend more time deflecting questions about when the ACTUAL day of celebration falls.  (Lucky for me I was born on a holiday weekend – so I can give a “near X day” answer and people buy it without further question!)

Instead of the dreaming about where my life is going I have to fight the urge to not belittle the life I have created.

It seems that somewhere after 30 the tipping point between excitement of a “new year ahead” and the sadness of “another year gone” was reached.

My 30th birthday was one of my favorites.  It was spent with close friends watching silly videos on You Tube, drinking home brew and eating copious amounts of snacks from the farmers market (mmm…  cherries!).  It was a long weekend – so we spent a lot of time hanging out in our comfy pants while talking and laughing until we couldn’t breathe.

But, only a few (?) years later I spent the day in my cubicle at work shuffling paper – only to complete errands and chores after I left the office.  I fell into bed at 10pm – realizing that I didn’t take the time for dinner – or the all-important chocolate cake.  I think the kicker to me is that I couldn’t even rustle up a decent mood.  Sour puss all day.

Boo for me and my bad attitude!

So, as I start my first day of my new year I’m struggling to find my happy place(Thank you Mr. Ze Frank.  I WILL type like a crazy secretary today – and many days to come!)

It will take some soul searching, but I will make this year a good one.  Perhaps the next time my day comes around I will have tipped back to a place of excitement and hope for the year to come.

In the meantime – I need to find myself some chocolate cake.

Reality Checks

Due to the messed up arm I earned while roller skating with my family I’ve been out of the picture for several weeks.  Nothing puts a halt on fun things like blogging than having an arm that is immobilized from the thumb to the armpit in a stylish purple cast.  Suddenly little things like getting shampoo out of the bottle and putting one’s hair in a ponytail become far more cumbersome/impossible/annoying.  Typing – it was totally out of the question.

But, I’m back to reality after the docs confirmed that the scafoid bone in my hand/wrist was not broken and I’ve just got a bad sprain.  Yippee!  I’ve been downgraded to a brace that I can take off to do things like type, work, shower.  Ah, the indulgences!

However, may I just say that I didn’t miss a lot of “reality” all that much?  My bank account was larger than expected, since I wasn’t feeding my trusty little car the $4.50/gal gas several times a week.  I felt like I had a ton of time since I wasn’t sitting in traffic for 4+ hours going to and from work each day.  My skin cleared up (unsure if that was due to reduced work stress or because my cast wouldn’t allow me to touch my face).  I started sleeping through the night without having those wonderful dreams about work that usually focus on forgotten deadlines and missing paperwork.  The list of bonuses to having an unusable appendage were really starting to add up.

But, all that is over now.  The commute – it’s back.  The work?  Oh, that is back too, with even longer days over the past weeks in the effort to catch up on all the little things my coworkers weren’t able to handle in my unexpected absence.  Exhaustion is back.  Blemished skin is back.  I even had my first in-tears-freak-out in a co-worker’s cube.  It only took me 7 work days to get there.

Reality has even gotten to the point where I think I *just* did something (like write the begining of this post) only to realize it’s been four MORE weeks of not blogging!  Where does the time escape to?

My time “away” (from blogging and my day job – I didn’t go “away” to an insane asylum or prison) allowed me to realize how much I enjoy so much of my life.  I love my friends, family and home.  I love the town I live in.  (I also learned I don’t really love the town I work in  – or the towns I drive through to get there.)  I really enjoy having time to spend with the people I love – even if “spending time” only means sitting in front of the television watching My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding and eating animal crackers directly out of the Costco-sized barrel while the younger generation plays fights in the next room.

What a nice surprise that the expected Reality Check of no time, frustration and anger didn’t totally materialize – but a greater appreciation of my current reality emerged.  Who knew that a giant purple cast could do that?

I certainly didn’t.